It sure feels like I’m a man now. I’ve got a relatively nice office job, working regular hours on Monday-Friday. I’m married, with a puppy at home. My wife and I just recently moved into to our first home. I’ve started to accumulate tools for house needs. I’ve been considering the cost difference between putting up my own fence or paying somebody to put it up for me.
My parents are proud of me. They’re proud of the man that I’ve become. And while I have many, many “life mile-markers” to hit, such as our first child, I sure do feel like an adult.
In some ways, I’m pretty happy about it. God has been so absolutely good to my family and I. The home in particular makes me feel like a good husband. But, you know, in other ways, I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
What sort of roles do I play? First, I’m the provider. That’s a bit scary. Who knows how much job security I currently have? And this job takes up so much of my time that it’s difficult to see how further schooling at seminary will be possible. The weight feels heavy.
I’m the spiritual leader of the house. I’m in charge of maintaining my own spiritual health as well as promoting that health for my wife. This is perhaps my most important role. Considering that I’m the youth director for my church and my wife is the children’s director, you’d think that this would be easy. You’d be surprised. While I can prioritize spiritual habits for myself, I come home from work and crash on a regular basis. Beyond that, the more of a “man” that I feel, the more that I see and feel the weight of my own sinful nature. God has worked in me, but there is still more to do. Being responsible for my spiritual health as well as leading my family’s… it’s daunting. The weight feels heavy.
I’m the practical leader of the house. My wife looks to me for answers regularly. That’s a great thing and I love that she trusts me. I trust her. But I am the constant. I am the firm foundation. I try not to worry about things and to keep a level head. I work hard to alleviate the stresses of my family. And, in some cases, saying “it’ll be alright” just doesn’t cut it. But I try, somehow, to make things better. That’s my job. The weight feels heavy.
I’m a friend. I’ve got many friends that are closer that you can possibly imagine. These friends are like brothers to me. I’m seriously blessed. I also live further away from them. I miss them. And balancing time spent with them and time spent with my wife can be a struggle. But I want to be there for them. The weight feels heavy.
And there are many more roles, such as my leadership roles at church, my relationship with my side of the family, and whatever role I should play in bettering myself. I love all of these roles and I’d never want to be without them. Based on where God is leading me right now, however, the roles seem harder to perform well. The weight feels heavy.
Then I’m reminded that, even when it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, that God is carrying me on his shoulders. He supplies all my needs. He gives me the guidance and skills to be good at all my roles. And he gives me strength when it feels like I’m failing. And all of a sudden, when I look at the mighty strength of our God, no weight, no matter how heavy to me, could possibly seem like a challenge.
I know that I’m not the only person who feels the weight on their shoulders. In fact, I’m certain that many men and women have more on them than I do. Remember, God is faithful. He is good. Pray for me. Pray that God would work in me and through me. Lord, help my gaze turn to you in times where the weight feels heavy. And help others to do the same.
Soli Deo Gloria, friends.
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