Tonight, I attended a wedding. Well, it wasn’t exactly a wedding, The lovely couple had already gotten married two days prior, but that was out of state. They came back to my home state to have a reception with plenty of friends.
I’m friends with the groom. We were in religion classes together at Ohio Christian University, the place that I graduated from. As such, the outing was a fantastic get together of so many great and wonderful friends from college, most of whom I hadn’t seen since graduation.
A rush of different thoughts and emotions swelled up in my head, so I thought I’d take a moment to write a few of them down. I know, it’s been quite awhile since I’ve written anything, but this really was an amazing occasion.
The newly married couple was absolutely stunning. Their shared love of Lord of the Rings was very prominent at all times. It was an outdoor ceremony, but they did the absolute best that they could during this pandemic time. It was beautiful. The food was simple, but delicious, and the words that were spoken were meaningful.
Their bridal party, dubbed the Fellowship, made the ceremony special by speaking on their friendship and specific qualities necessary for the marriage. While there were quite a few of them, all of them brought plenty to the proverbial table and spoke well.
This was such an interesting and amazing experience. So, in no particular order, here are some thoughts from the evening.
Man, it was just so wonderful to see so many great friends that are brothers and sisters in Christ. These were people that I did homework with. We discussed theology. We procrastinated together. We laughed. I drank a lot of chocolate milk, and typically offered them plenty in return.
Of course, the groom is a friend. Honestly, I was honored to be invited. I was never his roommate. Speaking of OCU friends, I didn’t live on campus, so I always felt like there was a… wall keeping me from being as close as I’d like to be with some of my fellow alumni. I also came to OCU after already earning an associate’s degree elsewhere. I also had a bit of scholastic break, so I was a few years older than all of my fellow classmates. But that didn’t end up mattering. It was like seeing family again.
So we all showed up, masks in tow, baring the heat for our friends, and it felt so… normal. It simultaneously felt like a lifetime since I had seen these people while also feeling like it was just yesterday. Many of us are married now, trying to find our way in adult life.
When you hear of a reunion-type shindig, you typically think of people trying to impress one another. While most of us took some special effort to look nice for the festivities, we all showed grace to one another. There were no competitions on who had the best job. There were just stories about life. God was working, often in ways that we didn’t expect.
To be clear, I often feel a bit separated from my classmates. As I said before, I was older and I wasn’t on campus. I didn’t often eat in the cafeteria, nor did I often go to campus events. I was also one of the few Calvinists on campus at a Wesleyan university. In other words, it’s one of the very few social outlets where I can feel like a stick in the mud.
Did I feel that way tonight? Honestly, at times I did. But the was overshadowed by just how kind everyone was. I was excited to see them. They were excited to see me. It was heart warming.
I miss OCU so much at times. Was the schoolwork hard? Sometimes. Was the homework grueling? Often. But the people… The people, man. The people were so kind, so thoughtful, and so encouraging. It was wonderful to be surrounded by people who loved Christ and therefore loved those around them. The real world is often very different.
So many kind words were said. The groom and I spoke of watching Lord of the Rings. Others spoke of dinner. That’s not to mention all that was said for the bride and groom. They were adventurers. Dreamers. Partners.
Perhaps the closest buddy of mine there said something very heart-warming to me. He said that he talks about me constantly. He said that I was going to be a theologian one day. He believes in me, more than I believe in myself. Another buddy was excited to hear me preach. Another was dedicated to praying for me.
They were so encouraging. They were stirring me on. And I was in awe of them and their contributions. The musicians were SO incredibly talented. Ian, the buddy that I had spoken of earlier, probably sung the best I’ve ever heard him sing. It made me want to work even harder on my musical work. It’s just been so long since I’ve been surrounded by that sort of culture.
The bride and groom washed one another’s feet. It was a ceremony in God’s sight, all of it. A special shout out to Davi for his work in directing everything. I’m so proud of the man that he’s become. He even officiated the ceremony days prior!
Am I rambling? Definitely. But there was something about today that just gave me a bit of hope. A bit of joy. I’ve never been one for school spirit, but things are different now. There’s a sense of home being with these people. And while I know that I’ll probably not see them again for a long time, they feel like especially close fellow members of the body of Christ.
But, of course, the day was not about me. It was about this amazing husband and bride. Thank you so much for allowing my wife and I to be part of your celebration. If I could give a bit of advice, it’d be this- (Actually, they had a booth for advice, where I wrote down that they needed to watch Lord of the Rings at least twice a year. Honestly, that’s probably not enough.) (Okay, now here’s the actual advice)
To the Groom, love your wife. As Andrew Peterson said and as you demonstrated today, “Love is not a feeling in your chest. It is bending down to wash another’s feet.” It’s a decision. It’s a decision that you have to make every single day. No amount of “there will be tough days” will bring home that idea. We’re flawed, sinful humans, capable of much selfishness. As the husband, you have a responsibility to love her and put her first, even when you don’t feel like she’s putting you first. Christ’s love for the church is often greatest when the church isn’t putting Christ first. That’s your responsibility. Also, keep your relationship with God healthy. You’re meant to lead your wife spiritually and that can’t be done if you’re feeling dry. Lastly, never forget the power of your words. They can build up or tear down.
To the Bride, love your husband. Sure, this seems like a no-brainer and I just went on a rant about it, but there’s something different to be said here. Men are not the simple creatures that they are so often stereotyped to be. Sure, we may not understand the difference in each other’s feelings, for which I’d ask that you give grace to your husband. But more than that, there is a deep sense of responsibility, longing, and search for meaning in every husband, I think. And he’ll need you to ground him and to know that’s he’s doing something, anything right, when the rest of the world seems so wrong.
Of course, both sets of advice apply to the others and I’m far from a marriage expert, but I thought I’d throw in my two cents. Thank you so much for letting us be part of the beginning of your new family.
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